She Is He
by GoodBoyTobi
Summary: All of the Akatsuki members thought that Deidara was a girl. And Deidara too dumb to notice that. It's my first English Fic! One-sided ItaDei. Chapter 9 updated!
1. The new member

_**Rina's note: Hello! Like I said in the summary, I'm Indonesian, and I'm not very good in English. So please forgive me if I made mistakes, and help me to fix it through reviews.Here goes...**_

**She Is He**

"As we know, since Orochimaru gone, we got one empty space. Due to that emptiness, we're gonna recruit one new member. And I want Itachi and Kisame to do this task." Pein inform to all the Akatsuki members.

"Why must me?" Itachi ask with a lazy face, Pein give him a killer look "Because you're the one who make Oro leave! He's mad because you steal his glitter nail polish, remember!"

Itachi yawned "I'm just borrow it, he's just too sti—" Itachi's word stopped when a kunai land right before him "EEEP! PSYCHO LEADER!" Itachi shocked.

"I give you 24 hours started from now. And as some additional info, here's the photo of that new member."Pein showed the photo to Kisame, 'the shark man' nodded, 'the weasel' still fainted.

_--Iwagakure--_

After a not-so-long search, the target is found. Kisame is struggling because the target is long-range fighter. Itachi step towards the target, he activate his Mangekyou Sharingan, and success. The target fainted and fall from the weird big bird that suddenly explode, Itachi quickly catch it. Itachi gasped when he saw that his target was a 'girl', his face turned red, Itachi hurriedly snapped himself out. And he carried the new member back to their _–well let's just say- _secret base.

_--Akatsuki's Secret Base--_

"How's it going?" Pein welcomed the two with a cheery voice, Kisame pointed his index and middle finger, grinned. While Itachi hand over the new member to Konan.

_--Meeting Chamber--_

"Now, here's our new member. Deidara, come introduce yourself." Deidara, the new member, stepped forward.

"I'm Deidara, call me Dei, un."

"Dei-un? That's a weird nickname for Deidara." Pein giggled.

"Mmm, no! I mean.. just Dei, okay? un"

"Well Deidei, from now on you're partnered up with Sasori as a replacement for Orochimaru. And both of you will sharing a room too." The blonde nodded. "Sasori, it's your task to tell Dei about everything that she need to know" (Deidara didn't notice/too dumb to notice that Pein called him 'she').

Sasori nodded (he's always out of Hiruko in my stories) "Follow me, Dei!" he told the new member "un!"

While both of them walking, Deidara keep asking Sasori about everything. Sasori sighed _"She wasn't as ugly as that snake guy, but she's such a big mouth." _(Sasori thought Deidara was a girl) Sasori said to himself.

Finally, the only thing that Sasori said is "Why are you always says _un_ at the end of your sentences?"

Deidara tilted his head "I did?" giving an innocent smile.

"Sigh, forget it. Here's our room, but I don't like noise! So keep quiet okay!" both of them arrive in front of their room. "Hai, Sasori-danna! un!"

"Danna? What's that for?" Deidara smiled once again, showing off his perfectly even teeth.

_--Itachi and Kisame's Room--_

Itachi lying on his bed, thinking about Deidara "Sigh, why did I keep thinking about her? Her beautiful long blond hair.. her shiny silver eye.." Itachi smiled.

"OMFG! WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME!" Itachi slapped himself. Kisame sweat dropped...

_----_

Deidara entered his room, his silver eye gazed around, it was dark with only a dim light coming from a small window, and the only furniture in the room was a small table placed between the two plain white beds. He sighed.

"Is something the matter?" Sasori asked his new partner.

"Mmm.. nothing. un" Deidara shook his head.

Sasori blinked, "Well then, I'm gonna back to my work. Feel free to look around, I'm in my work room, it's next door." The blonde nodded, Sasori walked out and close the door.

"..." Deidara sat on the edge of his bed, legs dangling. He opened the drawer of the small table, there's nothing but an old book. He took the book and read it, he sweat dropped before he put the book back to the drawer.

"_Confusing, un. It's like about poison making or something.". _He's rolling on his bed boredly before he decided to see his cute partner. Honestly, Deidara think his partner was a cute boy, with cute scarlet hair and cute hazel eye, he looks like he's only 14, even though he acts like an adult.

KNOCK KNOCK! "Who's that?" Sasori's voice heard from inside "It's me, Dei. un." "Come in." The blonde opened the door slowly, and walked towards the redhead.

Deidara hovered above many vials of purple and black liquid on Sasori's workbench, his silver eye wide with amazement. "Wow, Danna! What is this stuff? un." "NO! DON'T TOUCH IT!" Sasori jumped towards the blonde, who almost touch the poison vial, Deidara startled and jumped back from the workbench, Sasori crashed to the floor...

"Oouuch..." Sasori rubbed his temple. "I-I'm so sorry, Danna. un." the blonde said with a sad expression, Sasori nodded "Never mind... I'm... fine...".

_--Meanwhile, in the living room--_

"Hey, Kisame!" Itachi called his partner "What?" Kisame didn't move his head, he's watching TV, it's **'Discovery Channel: Female Sharks'.**

"What do you think about the new member? Isn't she cute?"

"You mean Deidara-san?"

"Who else!"

Kisame silence for a moment, and then he answered "Naaah, I think not." head still facing the TV.

"Not? What do you mean?"

"She even doesn't have gills. What a plain woman." Itachi sweat dropped...

Tobi entered the living room, carrying laundry. "Hey, Tobi! Come here a minute."

Tobi stopped "What's wrong Itachi-senpai? You want Tobi to do your laundry too?"

"No, just come here." Tobi step toward his black haired senpai, and then he sat beside him.

"Mmm, Tobi. What do you think about the new member?"

"Oh, you mean Dei-chan? Tobi thinks she's very pretty!" Tobi answered with a cheery voice.

"Really?" Itachi blushed, Tobi grinned.

"Ah hah! Itachi-senpai likes her! Is Tobi right?" Tobi grinned while pointing his index finger to Itachi's face.

"Hey! It's n-not true!" Itachi's face turned redder than the clouds on his cloak.

"Itachi love Dei-chan.. Itachi love Dei-chan.." Tobi singing happily.

"Stop it, Tobi!" Itachi's word ignored.

"Itachi love Dei-chan.. Itachi love Dei-chan.."

Itachi sighed "Tobi, do my laundry... FOR A MONTH!"

Tobi stopped "WTF!"

Hidan suddenly appear "HEY! That's MY word!"

"Ooops.. Tobi is a good boy..".

_**Rina's note: Well, that's the first chapter. I hope it's funny enough to make you laugh. XP Hehee.. I will make the second chapter if I get nice amount of reviews. So, review if you like this story or just want to fix my messy English. But no flames please! I would be scared.. Lots of thanks for you all..**_


	2. Fainted?

_**Rina's note: Hi! I'm here again.. Well, this is the second chapter, and I hope you like it. Sorry if I update it too late, I'm kinda busy lately. Yeah, you see? I'm 3rd grade of High School now, and my single-parented-mom will surely kill me if she found me just laying around doing nothing (thinking about this story plot! teehee) even now she didn't know that I'm writing fanfic on Microsoft word (she thought I'm making homework now! ha!). So, enjoy...**_

**She Is He chapter 2**

Itachi couldn't sleep that night, his stupid brain keep thinking about Deidara, he murmured cursing himself. He looked his partner in the bed next to him, Kisame is snoring while drool falling from his mouth to his beloved shark plushie.

"Eeeew.. yuck!" Itachi regrets that he has saw that disgusting and so-not-beautiful-yet-ugly scene.

"..." getting tired with his own mind, Itachi started to count sheep jumped over the fence.

"One sheep.. two sheep.. three sheep.. four sheep.." slowly, his image of sheep changed into an image of Deidara.

"Ten Dei-chan.. eleven Dei-chan.. twelve Dei-chan.." Itachi's eyes suddenly wide open.

"WHAT THE HELL! STOP IT, CRAZY BRAIN!" Itachi shout out loudly.

"SHUT THE HELL UP, BLIND BOY!" Kisame, half dreaming, throw his wet-with-drool-shark-plushie. The disgusting thing landed nicely on Itachi's face.

"EEEEW... YUCK! THIS IS A NIGHTMARE!" Itachi shout desperately. As a reply, he get the _Samehada_ landed on his head.

"...oouuch..." then he fainted like a little girl.

_--The next day--_

Everything was normal in the Akatsuki's secret base. Zetsu is watering his _venus flytrap _in the garden, Tobi chasing butterfly, Kakuzu counting his (organization) money, Hidan doing his ritual, while the rest are nowhere to be found, including Deidara. Pein has assigned Sasori and Deidara to get some secret scroll from Sunagakure today, Itachi can saw excitement in Deidara's eyes this morning.

"It's her first mission after all, I wish I was Sasori..." Itachi sighed. While his partner, Kisame, had gone for a solo mission (read: vacation trip) to Kirigakure. Kisame said he wants to see his little sister there, Hoshigaki Mako (Mako shark?). Yeah, it's his village after all.

Itachi is wandering around the base, looking for something to do. Then he decided to climb up a tree, so he can think quietly alone. His mind back to Deidara, flashbacked to the yesterday event.

"...KAMI-SAMA DAMNED! I already hurt her yesterday, I even make her fainted! Ooooh... what should I do? I haven't apologized to her. Maybe she's mad at me, or even HATES me! Guh..." The _Sharingan_ user scratching his head, and hitting his temple.

Tobi was still chasing butterfly when he saw his someday-will-blind-senpai sat on a tree branch, hitting his own temple. Tobi grinned, and then he climbed that tree, hanging beside Itachi.

"PEEK-A-BOO!" Tobi shout innocently.

"AAAAAAHHH!" CRASHED! Itachi fell off to the ground, his face landed on a dog's poo.

"Uh oh! Tobi is in trouble now..."

"GOMENNASAI SENPAI! Tobi didn't mean to surprise you, Tobi just trying to cheer you up!" Tobi shout pleading while he was running as fast as he could, chased by the mad Uchiha.

"SHUT UP! Just come back here so I can KILL you! Right here and right NOW!"

"NO! Tobi is a good boy, and Tobi is too young to die! AAAAAHH!"

_--Later that night--_

Sasori and Deidara has come back from Sunagakure, the mission was a success. And the two are now in the leader's room, handing over the secret scroll.

Kisame has come back too, he carried a big cloth bundle with him.

"Kisame, what is that thing?" Itachi asked his partner.

"Oh, it's a gift for you. It's original from my village."

Itachi smiled _"How attentive he is. He even remembers me when he should be having fun with his little sister. Yeah, road killing." _Itachi said to himself. "What is it?" Itachi asked curiously.

Kisame is still trying to open the tied-up bundle, and then "TADAAAH! a mix raw fish salad with extra spoiled eggs mayonnaise!"

"..." Itachi sweat dropped. "Gee... thanks... I guess..."

Sasori and Deidara are walking out of the leader's room. Itachi thinks it's time to apologize to the blonde. Itachi step towards the two, leaving his busy-with-that-'thing' partner.

"Dei-san! Can I talk to you for a moment?" Itachi asked politely. The blonde stopped "un?"

"I.. uh.. I want to apologize about yesterday.." "..." Deidara's silver eyes looked at Itachi's onyx eyes, there was silence between them.

"Well, Dei. I'm going back to our room first. Is that okay with you?" the redhead suddenly spoke. "Okay, Danna. un" the blonde nodded, Sasori walked away.

Deidara's eyes still looked at Itachi's. Itachi's heart started to pound, his whole body shaking, he could feel his blood rushing to his cheeks, no words coming from his lips.

"Are you okay, Itachi-san? un. You looked terribly sick." Deidara tilted his head.

"Y-you know my name?"

"Sasori-danna told me, un." the blonde gave him a small smile.

"Uh.. y-yeah.. I just w-want to s-say s-so..." Itachi could feel that his face was getting hotter and hotter. Suddenly, Itachi felt a warm hand on his forehead, pushing up his forehead protector and brushing softly against his bare skin.

"I knew it, un. You're burning up, no wonder your face so red." Deidara said while he placed his another hand on his own forehead, closing his eyes...

"..." and then suddenly, everything goes BLACK...

_**Rina's note: Oh, well.. That's the second chapter. I know it's shorter and less funny than the first chapter. But, I'm trying my best you know:D Oh yeah, and I'd like to say my special thanks to **__**Sapphire09**____**PinappleDuck**____**Nyx-Key**__**, and **__**LOZ3R**__**. For R&R my first chapter. If not because of your nice review, I won't have the spirit to finish the second chapter :3 If you've read this chapter, review again please! Or I won't make the third chapter X3 Hehee...**_


	3. Angel? Devil?

_**Rina's note: Study.. study.. study.. Sorry coz I'm not update this story too often.. I even don't have time to unleash my imagination! Sobs.. Oh well :) Firstly, I would like to say my special thanks to **__**LOZ3R**____**PinappleDuck**__** , and **__**otherrelmwriter**__** . And two anon reviewers named **__**AkatsukiFans**__** and **__**TaChin**__** (she's my junior at school). Thanks for R&R my second chapter. Lots of love for you all! Keep giving me the spirit to finish the fourth chapter! X3 --eating cookies and muffins from **__**LOZ3R**__** happily-- gimme a cheese cake next time:3**_

**She Is He chapter 3**

Itachi slowly opened his eyes, blinked several times.

"Huh? It's morning already?" he tried to get up and slowly notice that he's sleeping on his own bed. He looked to the bed next to him and found his partner, Kisame, fast asleep.

"Wait a minute, I don't remember when I sleep yesterday... hmm... I felt kinda weird..." Itachi put his finger on his chin, trying to remember about what happened yesterday night.

His eyes suddenly wide open "...OMFG! I swooned in front of Dei-chan! This is horrible!" Itachi panicked, he hurriedly rushed to his partner.

"KISAME! KISAME! WAKE UP!" Itachi rocking his partner blue body. Kisame didn't open his eyes, only one of his strong muscular arms grabbed Itachi's neck and dragged the poor Uchiha to his bed.

"Don't be shy Sakana-chan. I won't bite you." Itachi trying hardly to release himself from his fish-maniac-partner.

"WTF, KISAME! I'M NOT YOUR FISH-CHAN!" Itachi slapped Kisame's face a hundred times, but the 'shark man' just hugged him tightly even more.

"Teehee, you've got cute gills. Can I kiss you now, Sakana-chan?" Itachi's face turned blue.

"NO! NO! NO! GET AWAY FROM ME!" Itachi realize that he was in a horror situation. But it was too late... SMOOOCH!

_--30 minutes later--_

The Akatsukis are gathering in the dining room. Itachi's face turned blue, and Kisame's face turned green (yeah, his face is already blue in the first place), the others are sweat dropped. Pein, the almighty leader with orange spiky hair and too many to count piercings on his face, whispered to his partner.

"Did they eat something weird yesterday? Don't tell me you gave them your horrible cooking AGAIN!" Konan, the azure haired woman, slapped her boyfriend...

Itachi suddenly back to live, "Hey, Sasori! Where's Dei-san?" Sasori looked to the Uchiha, and then the chocolate-eyed boy giggled cutely.

"Hey! What's that giggling about?" Itachi tilted his head with a suspicious look.

"Umm, it's nothing. I just remembered about yesterday." the puppet master giggled again.

Itachi's face turned red like a tomato, "W-w-what EXACTLY happened yesterday!"

"You fainted like a little girl in front of your beloved Dei-chan! And she panickedly called me to help her carry you to your room! What a shame.." Kisame, who's suddenly back to live too, said with a smirk on his face.

"Really, Kisame-senpai? Oooh, Tobi wish Tobi could see that!" Tobi, the spiky black haired young man with pumpkin-colored mask covering his face, jumping around excitedly, still wears a pink apron. Yeah, he's in charge of cooking, since all of the Akatsuki members are drawn to the hospital after eating Konan's noxious cooking.

The others looked at Itachi in awe (except Kakuzu, his eyes never away from his _organization_ money. that's why the Leader trusts him a lot to take care of it. And Hidan, well.. because Hidan always being Hidan).

"Hey, hey! Stop staring at me like that! Is it wrong if I like her?" Itachi's voice sounded like both of embarrassment and annoyance. The others just giggled (annoyingly), it's the first time Itachi showing a cute expression like that. Since Itachi joined Akatsuki, the murder of his own clan is such a quiet person.

"Aw! Tobi almost forgot, the omelette is almost done. Can someone help Tobi to wake Dei-chan up? She's the only one who hasn't here yet." Tobi hurriedly back to his work.

"Don't ask me, I'm already trying. I think she's really tired from yesterday mission." Sasori shook his head.

"..." everybody was silence, staring at Itachi once again.

"..." Itachi sweat dropped, he knew what they meant.

_--Sasori and Deidara's Room--_

Itachi stood in front of the door. He takes a really deep breath "Here goes nothing.." he opened the door slowly, his heart started to pound (again). The Konoha-nukenin step towards the sleeping blonde, he stopped and stand beside Deidara's bed. The blonde was lying on his back, face up with blanket covering his body up to his chest. His hair was sprawled around his flawless face, since he had undone the ponytail earlier. A smile on his face, he looked peaceful.

"What an angel.." Itachi murmured. "GUH!" Itachi slapped himself.

Quietly, Itachi kneel beside the Iwa-nukenin, two sides of his heart started to fight.

"Just wake her up, Itachi-kun. Don't think anything weird." the angel side whispered softly.

"Hey, dumbass! This is your chance to kiss her. There's no one here and she's sleeping! (or you should rape her instead)" the devil side whispered evilly.

Itachi is getting confused with his own angel-devil fight.

Who will win? The angel side? Or devil side? It's yours to decide...

_**Rina's note: Ahaha.. I'm just joking of corz :3 dun worry, good boy/girl! Whatever you choose it'll be the same (except you really want me to make it like you wish). I just wanna know your answer! ;p so answer it through review okay! Make me happy! I'll be waiting here like a good girl... --continue drawing fanart of Tobi the good boy hugging Deidara plushie-- Hurray for my 4th Akatsuki fanart! XD "RINAAA! STOP PLAYIN COMPUTER N GET DOWN NOW! HELP UR BRO WITH HIS MATH HOMEWORK WILL YA!" my PMSing-single-parented-demon-mom shout like I was a deaf, and the walls started to crack. Sigh.. here we go again.. why should I have a stupid lil' bro! He's almost 14 but he still dumb (even doe I'm happy coz he luv my fanfics a lot, n he's expert in making monsters drawing. I'm trying to make a dragon one day, but it turns out like an abstract chimera.. My lil' bro rolling on the floor laughing, then I throw him out of my 2nd floor bedroom window..) Enough with the stupid flashback! --walking out my room like a zombie--**_


	4. Kakuzu, you're so priceless!

_**Rina's note: Hello again everyone! Sorry coz I'm not update this story last week. It's bcoz I had try-outs two days straight! (Saturday and Sunday) But, oh.. I got nice score! --singing happily while spraying my hair blonde with temporary hair spray-- Teehee.. Anyway, before I start this story, I'll answer **__**PinappleDuck**__**'s questions first. Here goes:**_

_1. Have they not notice anything like the fact that Dei has a deepish voice and is totally flat-chested?_

_**Okay, just pretend that Dei has a voice like "Paku Romi". She's seiyuu for Temari, but she's often became seiyuu for male character too, such as Edward Elric from Full Metal Alchemist. So, Dei's voice sounded not too girly but not too manly either.**_

_**And about flat-chested, there are still a lot of flat-chested girls out there you know! Like.. like.. my friend! not me! --blushing--**_

_2. Have they not notice that Dei has a 'thing' which girls don't? (Sasori shares a room with Dei' right?)_

_**No one ever saw Dei naked! And Sasori never peep at Dei when he's taking bath or changing clothes (yeah, he's not a pervert). And Dei always wears a loose long black pant when he sleeps, so Sasori couldn't notice his 'thing'.**_

_**That's my answer.. Now, on with the story.. **_

**She Is He chapter 4**

"..." a moment of silence had past. The result of Itachi's angel-devil fight is 49 for the angel side, and 51 for the devil side.

"YEAH, I WON! C'mon dumbass! This is a chance of a lifetime!" the devil side shouted exaggeratedly, stucking out his tongue to the angel side. The angel side murmured.

"Kutabare, mesuinu.." what kind of angel is that?

_("Kutabare, mesuinu.." means "Fuck you, bitch..")_

Itachi drag his face closer to the blonde, until there's only a small gap left between them. Their lips getting closer and closer, Itachi could feel his heart was racing, and his face was blushing deeply. Now, he scared if Deidara could feel it. Their lips almost pressed to each other.

_(above them, the chibi-devil-Itachi cheering around with pom-poms in his hands, and then the chibi-angel-Itachi threw a huge rock to him, the devil knocked out..)_

Suddenly, Itachi's anxiety are proven. The blonde opened his eyes slowly, before it opened wide after the bomber's eyes locked to the Uchiha's. Itachi frozen...

_--Meanwhile, in the dining room--_

Tobi threw the omelette in the air, while he spinning around like a ballerina, the others is jumping around to catch it (what a dummy).

"This one for Hidan-senpai.. this one for Kakuzu-senpai.. this one for Konan-chan.. and the last and the most special is fo­­­—"

"GYAAAAA!" a very loud and shocking screams heard from nowhere.

"WHAT IS THAT! A SPY BURGLAR!" the startled Tobi threw not only the omelette but the pan instead, and that hot hard-surfaced thing landed violently on Pein's face.

"WTF! TOBIIII! GET DIS FUCKING THING OUTTA MAH FACE!" Pein scream hysterically.

Konan jumped and hid under the table, Sasori hid inside Hiruko (at last), Zetsu closed his _venus flytrap _which started to wilt, Kisame turned into a dried fish, Hidan committed suicide, and Kakuzu screamed "TAKE MY LIFE BUT DON'T TAKE MY MONEY!"

_----_

"Ahaha, I'm sorry for scream so loud, un." Deidara sweat dropped, the Iwa-nukenin scratching his head.

"What happened?"

"What did Itachi do to you?"

"Did he done something weird?"

"Did that perverted weasel tried to fucking rape ya!"

"TOBI IS A GOO—"

"SHUT UP, TOBI!" everyone yell at Tobi simultaneously...

"...no one loves Tobi anymore..." Tobi sat hugging his legs, twirling his index finger on the floor, gaze at thoughtfully about himself on the dark corner without candle...

Itachi frozen and he felt he was turned smaller and smaller.

"No! Itachi-san didn't do anything weird, un. I'm just surprised when I saw his face right above mine!" Deidara answered with a flustered voice.

"_Rape? Are they joking? un.."_ Deidara said to himself, he tried to smile as innocent as possible _"Did they try to make me laugh? How nice they are, un.."_ he (dumbly) said to himself once again.

Itachi sighed in relief.. However, all peace must come to a quick end for Itachi. The others started to stare at him (again) with a pathetic look, the word _"pervert"_ blinking from their eyes. Itachi shrank down nervously into the collar of his coat, he felt a huge anvil fell down to his head...

_--Leader's Room--_

"I DEMAND YOU TO DO 1000 PUSH-UPS AND 1000 SIT-UPS! NOW!" Pein shout with a deadly glare to our poor Tobi, the almighty leader pointed his index finger toward Tobi's face then he pointed to the floor, and everything around Pein suddenly burst into a blazing flame, a lightning stroke on the background...

_----_

Kakuzu stares at the now-broken-pan, his body was shaking. "Someone got to pay for this... I bought this pan on a garage sale for 99 cents... It's almost one dollar..." he said with a trembling voice, the Taki-nukenin started to sob dramatically.

"ONE DOLLAR PEOPLE! ONE DOLLAR! NOT TO MENTION THE TAAAX!" he shouted with a loud and scary voice, no one dares come near him...

Hidan stood near the dining room entrance, he hates when his partner started yapping about money. "Quit it will ya! Fuck with that pan! You can buy a fucking new one anytime!"

"..." Kakuzu silenced. The masked-nin turned his head, his eyes glanced toward the Jashinist. Suddenly, he send one of his arm shoot toward the white haired man and punched Hidan in the eye, before he used his super elastic blood veins (read: disgusting black tentacle) to retract and attach it once again...

"WHAT THE FUCK! DAMN YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'VE RUINED MY FUCKING PERFECT FACIAL STRUCTURE!" and a chain of colorful words can be heard from all around the Akatsuki's secret base...

_**Rina's note: Okay.. when I type this chapter, I currently got 16 new reviews. 16 reviews! Woah! That's a new record! Cookies and muffins for you all who R&R my third chapter! Sorry if you disappointed with the result of Itachi's angel-devil fight, I just can't think about what will happened if Itachi really kissed Deidara! But I hope you like the Kakuzu-Hidan's part :) Anyway, keep reviewing if you still wanna read the fifth chapter! Okay! --eating a giant cheese cake together with **__**LOZ3R**__** happily-- Hey! As a bonus, I've published a new Akatsuki humor story titled "Tobi's Revenge" dun fuhget to read it, okay:)**_


	5. Of culinary disaster and collapsed wall

_**Rina's note: Hello again averyone! XD I gave you TWO stories this week (this chapter and "Tobi's Revenge" 2nd chapter/end) Hope you like it :) and I hope you laugh until you can't breathe! Ahaha.. anyway, thanks for the reviews! I make this chapter for you all who like this story, even though the numbers of reviews are fewer than the last chapter.. sobs.. so, keep reviewing if you still wanna read this story! Don't make me sad, okay!**_

**She Is He chapter 5**

It's another normal day in the Akatsuki's secret base, NO crazy mission to catch any Jinchuuriki today, Pein and Konan were gone for a information-gathering-mission to Amegakure, while the others are enjoying their little happy life as an idle S-classed criminals...

_--Living Room--_

Tobi was sat on the sofa together with Zetsu, holding a huge and thick book between their legs, Tobi is learning a history of a shinobi's hidden village.

"So, Tobi, there are 5 main hidden villages in our country which represents the 5 base elements. They are Konohagakure for fire, Sunagakure for wind, Iwagakure for earth, Kirigakure for water, and Kumogakure for thunder. You got that, boy?" Zetsu's white side said nicely to the boy (young man actually, but 'boy' fits him better), Tobi shook his head, but he's certainly uncertain whether he understand or not.

"Uh huh.. but, isn't Zetsu-senpai is a shinobi from Kusagakure?" Tobi asked innocently.

"Yes I am. But my village doesn't have a Kage as a leader, so it's not counted as a main hidden village."

"**Got it, baka!" **Zetsu's black side added, Tobi nervously nodded, sometimes he scared of the plant-man's black side, even though his white side is actually nice.

"**Now, mention the Kage name of each main hidden village, dumbass!"** the black side smirked evilly to the orange-masked-nin.

"Uuh.. Hokage for Konohagakure.. Kazekage for Sunagakure.. and.. and.. Zushikage for Iwagakure.. "

"You're wrong, Tobi, un. Iwagakure was led by a Tsuchikage." Deidara suddenly entered the living room "Mizukage for Kirigakure and Raikage for Kumogakure, un." the Iwa-nukenin answered without being asked.

"Oooh, Dei-senpai! You're so smart!" Tobi clapped his gloved hands, Deidara scratching his cheek with his slender finger.

"Gee.. it's nothing, really.." a soft blush covering his flawless face.

"**Cute bitch.."** Zetsu's black side murmured "Sssh.." the white side sweat dropped.

"Uun.. by the way, it's almost lunch time but we haven't got any breakfast yet, un. Why don't you make something, Tobi?" the blonde turn facing the boy.

"There's nothing left to cook, senpai! And Sasori-senpai was gone to the nearest village to get some groceries right now, **Kakuzu-senpai** was with him, sooo you know.. it'll take some time." Tobi continue reading the history book. A sad expression shown from the blonde's face.

"But I'm starving, un. I skipped the dinner for a urgent stealth mission last night, uun.." Deidara started whining like a little girl.

"Oooh.." Tobi sweat dropped, this is the first time for Tobi to felt so mature, seeing his grown-up senpai whining childishly, and flailing his arms around.

"**That bitch looks delicious.."** SLAP! Zetsu's white side slapped his own black side **"FUCK!"**

"FEED MWEEEEE!" Deidara shouted like a little girl ranting for dolls, he rolling on the floor, Tobi panicked.

"Calm down, Dei-san. I think there's still some _Quick O' Ramen_ left in the cupboard, it's my late-night snack, but you can have it if you want."

"**HEY! BUT THAT'S MA— UMPH!"** the white side's hand closed his mouth. Deidara stopped whining.

"Really, un?" Zetsu hardly nodded (the black side didn't want to sacrifice his food for a _food_), then he closed his _venus flytrap_, a chain of colorful words can be heard from outside, Zetsu's split personality are fighting...

_--Kitchen--_

Deidara opened the cupboard, indeed there's two instant ramen left there. He took a Tupperware pot, and he cook the ramen using the stove. 5 seconds later, the Tupperware pot started to melt, and 5 more seconds later, the pot burst into flame.

"OH MY GOD, FIRE!" Deidara shouted, forgetting his _un_ and his hand-mouths started barking like dogs. Zetsu rushed to the kitchen.

"**Hoo.. is there a stray dog had wandered in?"** Zetsu's black side thought happily that he finally can eat dog again, but then he saw something was burned, a Tupperware pot!

"**YOU IDIOT! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO COOK IT USING THE MICROWAVE!"** the black side shouted madly at the blonde, the white side's brain has stopped working due to the shock.

Deidara responded as he naturally responded to crises: he blew up a clay bomb next to the problem source. Unfortunately, this only feed the flames, and the kitchen walls collapsed, causing the bomb artist to ran toward Zetsu and hugged him tightly, causing the plant-man hardly breathe.

Tobi entered the kitchen at this point, looking for Zetsu so he could ask more about shinobi's history. At the sight of the fire, Tobi was mesmerized, just like little kids in front of a fireplace. He sat there, oblivious to the extreme danger he was in as the fire randomly burned stuff around him. Itachi and Kisame had been woken from their nap by Deidara's screaming, and they rushed to the kitchen to find out what was going on.

The two entered the inferno, just as it was about to set Tobi on fire. Kisame frozen in shock, Itachi wondered whether he should save Tobi or not. He means, Tobi was REALLY annoying to him.

"Oh well.. sometimes I hate my kind-hearted.. KISAME! PUT OUT THE FIRE, NOW!" Itachi shouted into his partner's ear.

"EH, WHAT! OH, OKAY!" Kisame made the hand seals "SUITON: BAKUSUI SHOHA!" and then a huge jet of water doused the fire, and also gave Tobi a quick shower.

"WOAH! THAT WAS AWESOME!" Tobi shouted happily, rubbing his wet handsome-yet-cute face behind his swirl mask.

"Phew.. stupid boy.." Kisame sighed.

Itachi entered the kitchen to see Deidara closed his eyes tightly while his slender arms hugged Zetsu (who already passed out due to the lack of oxygen) like he will never let go off him. A bit jealous honestly, the Uchiha sweat dropped...

_--Meanwhile--_

"That fucking cashier men, he make me wasted my precious 2 hours just to heard him yapping that I miss-counted the price!" Kakuzu stomping angrily while he carried a small paper bag of groceries.

"But he was right, isn't he?" Sasori answered calmly while his small hands carried a huge paper bag of groceries (hey, that's not fair!). The stitched-nin glanced toward the scarlet haired boy, clenching his teeth.

"Ya say samthin, shortie?"

Sasori hid his cute face behind the paper bag.

_----_

The two stopped in front of their secret base, seeing a huge hole of collapsed walls on the kitchen part.

"WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENED HERE! WHO'S GONNA PAY FOR THIS! IF THAT FUCKING HIDAN AND HIS FUCKING RITUALS WAS BEHIND ALL THIS, I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL THAT MOTHERFUCKER FOR SURE!" Kakuzu dropped his paper bag in shock.

Sasori sighed "Here we go again.."

_**Rina's note: Hmm.. yummy! Itadakimasu! --open my mouth wide to eat a chocolate cake from **__**LOZ3R**__**-- SWIFT! --My lil' bro grabbed it from my hands with a speed of light-- Hey! That's mine, you rascal! --My lil' bro already swallowed the whole cake with just one time opened his mouth-- Sobs.. he really addicted to chocolate, I tell ya.. but thanks for the virtual cake you always gave me, **__**LOZ3R**__**! I love you too.. Did you have your computer fixed now? Teehee :3**_


	6. Onesided ItaDei

_**Rina's note: Phew.. late to update again! Teehee.. Thanks for all your nice reviews, I LOVE Y'ALL! XD Oh, **__**otherrelmwriter**__**! When will you publish your ItaKonan Fic? Is it humor:D Hi, **__**LOZ3R**__**! You like donuts too? Then let's grab some together! (But, oh.. you're so far away.. sobs..) And I hope you dun sad coz "Tobi's Revenge" ends in 2 chapter only. Here.. I gave you some popsicles I stole from Hidan-kun! "With a little help from me, un! (Dei)" Sorry Dei-chan, I almost forgot about you.. hehe.. "HEY ASSHOLE! I WON THE BET FAIR AND SQUARE! (Hidan)" Don't mind him **__**LOZ3R**___

**She Is He chapter 6**

Kakuzu hurriedly rushed to their base, cloak flapping as he ran, ignoring his paper bag on the ground. Sasori shouted "H-hey! Kakuzu! wait up! I can't hold much more.." Kakuzu, who already gone with a speed of light, leaving a cloud of dust behind him, making the Suna-nukenin coughed lightly.

"...oh God" Sasori sighed, then he shakily stretch his hand toward the ground "...uuh, come on" biting his lower lip in concentration, small hand trying as hard as he could to grab Kakuzu's paper bag, while the other still holding the huge paper bag he was holding before. Unfortunately, "AAAAAAHH!" the groceries collapsed and buried the poor puppeteer underneath.

_----_

"Now tell me, what's the meaning of this?" Kakuzu's emerald eyes glared angrily, index finger pointed to the wide hole that revealing the forest surrounding their base.

"K-Kakuzu-senpai is so s-scary.." Tobi hid behind Kisame, clinging to the blue-skinned man's cloak for dear life. Kisame just shrugged, Itachi say nothing, then Kakuzu's glare moved toward Deidara and Zetsu (which still fainted.. poor Zetsu..). Deidara didn't even dare to look at him, he didn't know much about Kakuzu, yet he trembled with fear just to look at the masked man's intimidating eyes.

"Now.. Dei.. explain this.." Deidara unconsciously bit his lower lip "I.. uh.." his voice trembling as he felt shivers down his spine.

Kakuzu opened his mouth angrily, but didn't get a chance to say anything, a hand suddenly blocking his view to the blonde. Deidara reflex looked up to see Itachi stood between them "...un? Itachi-san?" 

"Buzz off, emo weasel! It's my business!" Itachi stood still, he locked his eyes straight to the pair of green eyes, Kakuzu smirked "Are you trying to Mangekyou-ed me? Not a chance!" he put his arms on his waist, waiting for answer.

"No.. I just want you to not blame Deidara.." Itachi said with a flat monotone voice.

"Sooo.. Ya want me to blame ya?"

"...what do you want me to do?"

"Listen.. you have to responsible for this mess.. Don't let leader know about this! That fucking guy's gonna cut my salary for sure! Hell knows I can't live without money!" Kakuzu sighed heavily as he folded his arms over his chest.

"Fine.. I can use my Genjutsu for a while so no one could notice that hole.. I promise I'm gonna fix it as soon as possible.." Itachi replied still in his usual speech habit.

Suddenly, Hidan entered the kitchen "Whaz diz? Whuzzat? -wink-" (What's this? Who's that?). The Jashinist was drunk again, he drank sake (Japanese rice wine) way too much lately. Hidan dragged himself in a zigzag way toward his partner.

"Ow!" muttered Kakuzu as Hidan's foot bumped against his leg (don't ask how Hidan walk.. hehe), the Jashinist stopped for a moment in order to shoot Kakuzu a scatching look.

"Come oon.. that did not hurtz! -wink-"

"How do YOU know! You're not the one who just got kicked in the fucking kneecap!"

"Eeeh? I thought ya like pain coz ya can't die! Zhahaha -wink-"

"GO TO HELL!" then the two wrestled on the floor, the others sweat dropped...

"Hey, did someone notice something weird? Where the hell is Sasori? If Kakuzu is here then he supposed to be here too.. -gasp- Don't tell me you pushed him off cliff, eh Kakuzu!" Kisame nervously hoped Kakuzu didn't answer **yes**, if Sasori dead then who does gonna heard all his secrets-sharing? Sasori is the only one in Akatsuki which Kisame believe was good at keeping secrets. Well, Itachi never bother to hear his partner's silly stories.

"I'm heeereee.." a heavy hoarse voice heard from the hallway, "Eeeep!" Tobi hid inside Kisame's cloak. Then Hiruko appear with paper bags on his back.

"Tobi, it's me, Sasori.. Help me take the groceries off my back, will ya?"

"Oh, okay senpai!" Tobi hurriedly took the groceries from the hunchbacked puppet's back.

Then, Hiruko's back opened up, revealing the puppeteer inside him. "Aaaaah.. it is hard to walk on four feet like a dog, that's why I hate staying in Hiruko for too long.." Sasori walked out from Hiruko, then he took a scroll out from the sleeve of his cloak, he unrolled it and sealed Hiruko back to the scroll.

"Wow! I rarely see you using Hiruko if you're not on a mission. What's change your mind?" Kisame grinned happily, an urge to hug the puppet master wallowing up inside of him.

"Nothing.. The paper bags are just way too big for me to carry it alone.. And that damn Kakuzu leave me however he please.. HUH!" Sasori cursed under his breath, he ran a hand through his messy-but-good-looking scarlet hair, and then he glanced from the edge of his eyes toward Kakuzu.

"...what are you lookin at, shortie?"

_--Sasori and Deidara's Room--_

Deidara is sat on the edge of his bed, eyes stared blankly as his brain thinking about Itachi. That guy disappear right after he put a Genjutsu on the wall, the blonde even didn't get a chance to say thanks to the Uchiha for what he did. Deidara closed his eyes "Note to self: say thanks to that Uchiha guy as soon as possible, un!" yeah, Deidara is having a short-term memory problem...

"Hey, Dei! Have you gotten the herb for me yet?" Sasori said, waking Deidara up from his little daydream.

"Un? Oh yeah.. I got them in my drawer, un.." Deidara responded slowly, scratching his cheek.

Sasori rolled his eyes and said slowly "Will you get them for me?" Deidara didn't respond, his eyes were glazed over and his hands hung limply by his side.

"Ahem.. Deidaraaaa.."

"Un?"

Sasori frowned "The herb!"

"Oh, yeah! un.."

"..."

"..."

"Deidaraaaa!"

"Un!"

Sasori opened his mouth impatiently, but stopped when he saw the blonde's face looked troubled, better not make a girl cry, he thought.

"Uuuun.." the blonde sighed desperately, brushing his bangs out of his silver eyes.

"Eh? Deidara?"

"..."

Sasori gritted his teeth, he felt a vein popped out from his head "Hellooo.. my beloved-lovey-dovey Deidaraaaa! This is your Danna speaking!"

"...un?" Sasori screwed up his face...

_**Rina's note: I personally think this chapter wasn't as good as the last chapter.. But I hope you enjoy it anyway.. Hehe :3 just like usual.. REVIEW! Your nice review are gratefully accepted.. constructive critics are welcome.. and I fight flames with flames.. ;D Oh yeah.. If you're Indonesian or at least understand my language (who knows? maybe my language is getting popular out there.. hehe.. naaah.. --slammed my head against the keyboard--), read my fifth Akatsuki humor Fic titled "I'm Zetsu" okay! Gift Fic for my fellow Indonesian Author, .hoshi**__**.na-chan.**__** and **__**pink-violin**__**! AKHIRNYA AKU KEMBALI MENULIS MENGGUNAKAN BAHASA ABSURD! XD**_


	7. Tobi is gonna shopping!

_**Rina's note: Chapter 7 is here, and it's all because of your support:D I LOVE YOUR REVIEWS! 70 Reviews is awesome! LOVE Y'ALL! X3 Ah yes.. I've published a new SasoDei Fic 2 days ago.. Well, that's my first non-humor Fic.. and it's really sad I tell ya.. Ahem, now enjoy..**_

**She Is He chapter 7**

"Tobi is gonna shopping.."

"**OH SHIT.."**

"Together with Zetsu-senpai.."

"**OH SHIT.."**

"Lalala lalala.."

"**OH SHIT.."** Zetsu's black side repeating the same word for about the millionth time that day, he couldn't help but to cursing and swearing each time he looked to the weird orange-thingy that skipping and singing happily right beside him..

The white side just sighed "Can't you just shut up?" he said with a bored monotone voice. A vein popped out from the black side's temple **"No, YOU shut up! This orange dummy is driving me CRAZY!"**

Tobi turned around his head "Zetsu-senpai, who's orange dummy? Tobi didn't saw anyone here except us.." Tobi's eyes gazed to the left, then right, then up, then down..

"See? There's no one here! Uuum.." the young Uchiha put his finger on his chin like he was thinking hardly about something. But then, his eyes suddenly wide open, so does with his mouth.

"-gasp- Did you mean someone is spying on us! EEEEEP!" Tobi jumped and hid behind the plant man's tall figure.

The black side's hand knocked Tobi's head "Aw!" the boy rubbed his head. **"What a foolish little brat.. "** "Tobi.. Tobi.." the white side sighed...

"**Why must WE do this stupid shopping in the first place, eh?"**

"Because.. senpai.. Itachi-senpai got a sudden headache. And Tobi, as one of the Uchiha clan like him, got a responsibility to help him! Is Tobi right?" Tobi said with a cheery voice while he twirling his finger in the air.

"**But why must WE!" **"WE? I didn't mind.." SLAP! **"Whose side are YOU!"**

Tobi grinned watching his senpai's unique attitude, and so he cheerfully said "Because Tobi LOVE senpai!"

"**W**H**A**T!" both of Zetsu's personality stopped fighting, their bright yellow eyes stared in a 'shock' toward the lollipop-liked boy.

"..." the white side blushed in deep pink **"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING!"** while the black side shudder and his eye threw an annoyed look.

Watching his senpai's reaction, Tobi couldn't help but to smiled and he giggled lightly, but soon he rolling on the ground, giggle-snorted...

_----_

"Sooo.. where's the building material shop?" Tobi put his hand above his forehead, eyes gazed around.

"Find any clue yet, Tobi?"

"**Hurry up, brat!"** Zetsu yelled from under (Yep! Tobi is squat on Zetsu's shoulder).

"Nothing, senpai.. But, HEY! Let's just ask some villagers! There's an old lady walking to this way.. Let's just ask her!" Tobi jumped down, but accidentally stepped on a passing cat. MRREEEOOWW!

"Uwaaa! Tobi is t-terribly s-sorry Mr.Cat! Tobi didn't see you.. really.. Tobi didn't lie! Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi said with a trembling voice, he shocked seeing the poor flattened-to-the-ground cat.

"Uuu.. uuh.." Tobi started to cry, tears wallowing under his eyes. **"Don't be such a cry baby, brat! Let's just eat it shall we!"** ((censored))

Tobi crying out loud...

_--Back to the main problem--_

The said old lady comes toward the two. "Excuse us, ma'am.. My name is Tobi and Tobi is a goo— OUCH!" Zetsu knocked Tobi's head (again).

"Excuse me, ma'am.. Could you tell us where the building material shop was?" Zetsu's white side asked politely. The lady looked up to the plant man.

"Is it just my eyes.. or your skin is two-toned? And.. what is this thing, young man?" she pointed to the giant Venus Flytrap surrounding Zetsu.

"Oh, this? It's just a new kind of trend.." (Tobi laughed behind)

"Ahem, back to the question.. Could you tell us where the building material shop was?"

"Ah, yes.. It was next to the Taiyaki stand at the end of that street.." the lady pointed his wrinkled finger to a crowded street.

Zetsu sighed in relief "Thank you very much, ma'am.."

"You're welco— WAIT! That red clouds.. you.. you.. you're the AKATSUKI! OMFG! HEEEEELLPP!" the old lady screamed hysterically, but didn't move an inch.

Zetsu sweat dropped **"Noisy old bitch.. How the hell she knew about us anyway! Let's just eat her.."** "Oh no.. not again.." ((censored))

Tobi fainted due to the shock...

_----_

"All set, senpai! We got all we need!"

"Oh good.. It's over.." the two stepped out from the shop, and started to walk back home. But Tobi stopped in front of the Taiyaki (Japanese fish-shaped cake) stand, he stood there for a moment, a large question mark appears above Zetsu's head.

"Now what!" Tobi turned around his head, wailing to the two-toned man with a puppy-dog-eyes-no-jutsu.

"Tobi is hungry, senpai.."

Zetsu sighed desperately "You know what, Tobi? We got no more money left!" **"Like the hell didn't know about that fucking Kakuzu! He gave us an amount of money just barely enough to but that shit!"**

Disappointment drawn on the boy's face. "But.. Tobi is hungry.. Oh! How about if we work to earn some money first? Maybe we can sell balloons! Tobi love balloons!" (Oooh.. Tobi and his small brain..)

"**Eh? Would take too long, you dummy! Besides, how can we get a fucking BALLOONS!"**

"But still.. uum.." Tobi scratching his head.

"**Back to plan B.."** "Pleeease.. not agaaaiin.." ((censored))

Tobi stopped whining...

_----_

"Hurry up, senpai! The sun is almost set!" Tobi jumping around impatiently, he's getting tired waiting for his senpai to stop every 5 minutes.

"**SHUT UP, YOU BRAT! I GOT TO VOMIT!"** "I told you not to eat humans too much! Especially the OLD one!" **"SHUT UP, ME!"**

_**Rina's note: Ahaha.. I knew this chapter was full with Zetsu and Tobi only! Yeah, even Deidara didn't get any part here.. Sorry Dei-chan! But I enjoyed making this chapter, and I hope you enjoyed reading it too! Aaand.. just like usual.. REVIEW! Your nice reviews are gratefully accepted.. constructive critics are welcome.. and I fight flames with flames.. :D**_


	8. Zetsu's karma

She Is He chapter 8

_**Rina's note: Hello everyone! :D Sorry for the looooooong update.. I'm busy with my other English Fic titled "I HATE ORO!" (chapter 3 is up!) and also my other Indonesian Fic "AADD" (chapter 2 is up!).. Thanks for you all who read my other Fic! Virtual Cookies for everyone! X3 Ehem.. to be honest, my other Fic got A LOT MORE reviews that this one.. so, uh.. now you know how much reviews could affect me a lot! I'm kinda addicted to reviews.. --blushed-- Sooo, enjoy and R&R..**_

**She Is He chapter 8**

"What took them so long? It's getting dark out there.." Kisame worriedly looked through the window.

"What are you worried about?" Sasori asked as he continues his work to polish Hiruko.

"Hmm.. I'm not worried about Zetsu at all.. I'm worried about Tobi!" Kisame's eyes looked back to the puppet master.

"Maybe Zetsu ate him.." Sasori answered carelessly.

"Gee whiz, Sasori! Don't be so rude! I thought you like Tobi!"

Sasori think for a while "Hmm.. neutral?" Sasori lifted his shoulder.

The shark man sighed before he looked toward the blonde's bed, Deidara is lying on his belly with his legs dangling in the air, reading magazine. "Hey, Dei-san!"

"Un?"

"Would you mind to check Itachi in his room? Maybe he need something because he said he got a terrible headache.."

The blonde raised his eyebrow "Me, un?" he said as he pointed to himself. Kisame nodded.

"But you can do it by yourself Kisame-san, un. Beside, he's your partner.." the blonde lifted himself to sat on his bed.

"No, I can't.. I came here to chat with Sasori. But look! He's ignoring me!" Kisame pointed to Hiruko "He's too busy with that ugly thing!"

Sasori twitched "Don't say anything like that to Hiruko! She's pretty you know?!"

The Kiri-nukenin shudder "Eeew.. Pretty? Wasn't Hiruko made from a man body?"

"It's up to me to make it as a she or he! I'm her creator! After all, Hiruko IS a GIRL'S name!" Sasori answered proudly (proud to unknown reason?).

Kisame and Deidara sweat dropped...

"...OH! So, Dei-san, you didn't mind do you? It wouldn't take that long.."

Deidara scratching his cheek "...uun, well.. okay.." he stood up as he sighed, he ran his slender fingers through his golden locks, and starting to walk away.

"Hey, Dei-san! Can I borrow your magazine?" Kisame said, stopping the blonde in his track.

"Un.. suit yourself.." and then the door closed.

_--Itachi and Kisame's Room--_

Knock! Knock! The blonde knocked on the door slowly. Itachi thought it was Kisame who came to annoy him after he was rejected by Sasori. "Hn.. do you need to knock anyway?" Itachi answered, not bother to look at the door.

Deidara stepped in and walk toward the Uchiha. He stood beside his bed and stare at the raven haired young man, who's buried his face in his pillow. "Go away Kisame.. I told you a hundred times, I don't want to hear your stories.."

"Uuun.. I'm not Kisame.."

Hearing that familiar voice, making the Uchiha startled and jumped a bit, he quickly sat up to face the ohmygodsobeautiful Dei-chan!

"W-what are you doing here, Dei-san?" Itachi never even think that the blonde will came to his room.

"Mmm.. Kisame-san asked me to check on you, un.. Sooo.. do you want me to get you something, un?"

"Hn.. no.. I guess nothing.." Itachi tried as hard as he could to avert his gaze from staring at the blonde

"Are you mad at me because of the wall accident, un? I'm terribly sorry.." a glum expression shown on Deidara's face.

Itachi quickly waved his hand "N-no.. I didn't mad at all.. I'm just.."

"..un?"

"..just want you to bring me something to read.. I'm getting bored here.." Itachi gave a fake grin.

"..okay" Deidara walked out, and came back again in 5 minutes.

"Here.. I found it in Leader's room, un.."

"Leader's room??"

"Yeah, why? Is something the matter, un?"

"No.. it's nothing.." Itachi shook his head _"Gee.. She's the first person in Akatsuki who already entered the Leader's room beside Konan.. Now I wonder what it looks like.." _he said to himself.

"Well, then.. I'm off, Is that okay with you, un?"

"Sure.." Itachi answered slowly, he really want to stay with the blonde longer, but no! It could be worse..

Deidara walked out and closed the door. Itachi stared at the book, **'Icha Icha Paradise'** written on its cover. Itachi sweat dropped...

_--Meanwhile--_

Kisame looked toward the redhead while he browses on the magazine. "Hey, Sasori! Is Hiruko finished yet?" the blue-skinned man started to get bored.

"Nope.. not yet.. She still need a manicure.." Sasori answered sarcastically.

But Kisame didn't catch the sarcasm "Eh? She got nails?"

Sasori sweat dropped...

"TADAIMA!!" Tobi shouted cheerfully.

_("Tadaima" means "I'm home")_

"MEH!! Now I need the bathroom.." Zetsu hurriedly rushed toward the bathroom, stepping on Tobi in the process.

"DUH! That hurts, senpai!" Zetsu's footprint marked on Tobi's head.

Zetsu spun the doorknob impatiently, but it locked! "What the—" **"GET OUT NOW!! WHOEVER THE FUCK INSIDE THIS FUCKING BATHROOM!!" **Zetsu's black side roared angrily.

Kakuzu was counting money while he sat on the closet. "Shut the fuck up! I'm trying to poop here!"

"Kakuzu, ple—" **"GET OUT OF THERE THIS FUCKING INSTACE!!"** Zetsu's black side impatiently slammed on the door repeatedly.

"You make the door broken and I'm gonna cut your salary for a year!" Kakuzu shouted from inside "Beside, there's another bathroom in the kitchen! Use that, will ya?!"

Zetsu gritted his teeth **"FINE!" **and he ran toward the kitchen.

The plant man spun the doorknob quickly, but DAMN it's LOCKED! "Oh my—" **"WHO'S FUCKING THERE?!"** Zetsu's black side shouted impatiently, his black face flushed red with anger.

Inside the bathroom, Hidan was sat on the closet while he read a weird-looking book titled **'How to Kill Immortals for Immortals'** "SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU BITCH!!" Hidan shouted from inside.

"Hidan! I need the bath—" **"GET OUT OF THERE, YOU FUCKING OLD JASHINIST!!"**

"NO WAY!! I'M USING THIS FUCKING CLOSET JUST A MINUTE AGO!!"

"**A MINUTE?! I'M ALREADY STOOD HERE FOR TWO MINUTES!!"**

And multiple chains of colorful words could be heard from all around the Akatsuki secret base...

Meanwhile, Kakuzu stepped out from the bathroom "Hmm.. now where's that fucking plant man?!"

"Oh great! Tobi wanna poop!" and the orange-masked boy zoomed into the bathroom and locked the door.

Right after Tobi was inside, Zetsu rushed back. "Hey, Zetsu! You're late! Now Tobi was inside!" Kakuzu said as he walked away.

"..." **"TOBIIIIIII!! GET OUT OF THERE THIS FUCKING INSTANCE!!"**

"No! Tobi is still trying to poop!"

"**GUWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!"**

_**Rina's note: Gyahaha!! Finally I got time to update ALL my FanFics! Thanks to Easter holiday! Ahem.. just like usual.. **__**R E V I E W !! Your nice reviews are gratefully accepted.. constructive critics are welcome.. and I fight flames with flames.. :D**_


	9. Leader is coming!

She Is He chapter 9

_**Rina's note: Hello again everyone! I decided to update ALL my FanFics first before I vacuum from for a while, due to the upcoming final national exam I will face at the end of this month.. Sooo.. "I HATE ORO!" chapter 4 is up too! Hope you don't mind for the long update for the next chapter.. And wish me luck with my exam! :3**_

**She Is He chapter 9**

"Yo, senpai-tachi! Ganbatte kudasai!" Tobi shouted cheerfully as he sat on a tree branch which grew near the now-was-just-a-big-hole kitchen wall.

"Shut your fucking mouth, asshole! You've ruined mah concentration!" Hidan shouted toward the boy as he chopped a log into pieces with his three-bladed scythe.

"Shut your mouth, old man! I'm missing my count!" Kakuzu shouted from inside, surely doing his daily routine which I-don't-need-to-mention-it-anymore.

"Be careful with that tacks, Dei-senpai!" Tobi said with his usual cheery voice, ignoring Hidan's warning.

"Hun.. hun.." Deidara shook his head with tacks between his lips. "AAAAHH!!" the blonde accidentally hit his own hand with his hammer.

"Hey, Itachi! Which tea do you prefer? jasmine or rose?" (I don't know if there any rose tea in the world either..) Kisame looked toward his partner from the kitchen counter through the collapsed wall.

"...jasmine" Itachi answered calmly while he helped Hidan with his work, _"This is gonna be a looong work.."_ he said to himself with a heavy sigh.

_--_

"Minna-san! Let's take a break for a while, the tea is ready!" Kisame called from inside.

"YAY! TEA!" Tobi jumped down from the tree, forgetting that Zetsu was doing his photosynthesis routine under the tree, and landed on Zetsu's back.

"OF!" **"WHAT ARE YOU DOING ASSHOLE?!"**

"Oh.. Gomennasai.. Tobi forgot.."

_--_

Kisame poured the tea to his teammate's cups one by one (how attentive he is!) and then he sat and enjoyed his own tea.

"I'm sorry for troubling you all, un.." Deidara started the conversation.

"Not at all, blondie.. I'm glad to help ya coz Itachi promised me that I can do my ritual in his room for a month.." Hidan sipped on his black tea, "Aaaah.. what a peaceful world if I don't need to hear that stitched man yapping about **you-make-the-whole-floor-filthy** or **do-your-ritual-elsewhere **thingy.."

Kakuzu twitched and send one of his arm shoot toward the Jashinist, making his tea cup slam against his face and spill its hot liquid.

"GYAAAAA!! FUCK YOU KAKUZU!!" Hidan shouted as his nose blistered red.

"Wait a minute.. You lent OUR room to him, Itachi?" Kisame asked as he pointed toward the white haired man.

"Um hum.. Is something wrong with that?" Itachi answered calmly.

"But you didn't ask for my permission.." the shark man replied with a hint of disagreement in his voice.

"A month isn't that long.. Besides, you can hang out in Sasori's room for a while. Right, Sasori?" the raven haired man looked toward the redhead, who was now sat on the chair next to Deidara.

"DANNA! When the hell did you sit here, un?!" the blonde jumped from his chair in surprised.

Sasori sweat dropped...

_--_

While they're having their tea time, suddenly a bird flew into the kitchen and landed on Kakuzu's head.

"Eh? What is this thing?" Kakuzu raised his hand to grab the bird.

"There's a paper on its foot. Is it a post pigeon? But why does it have black fathers?" Tobi asked curiously.

"No, Tobi. It's a crow, un." answered the blonde.

"A crow? How weird.." Tobi tilted his head.

"Aho!" the crow release a voice.

Tobi gasped, "Bad crow! That word is not nice!" the orange masked boy lectured the black creature.

(_"Aho"_ means _"Idiot"_, but crows usually sounded like it said _Aho_ in the anime)

"Hm? a letter, eh? the masked man took the paper and unrolled it, he read it, and suddenly his hand started to tremble.

"Hey! What is it?" Sasori asked worriedly.

"..."

"Hey! Don't make everyone scared, you fucking stitch! Tell us what that is!" Hidan said impatiently.

"...we've got to finish the wall immediately! Leader has changed his plan! He'll back here tonight!" Kakuzu said as he shoots an eerie look to everyone.

"WHAT?! (UN!)" Everyone shouted hysterically, showering Kakuzu with their water-from-the-mouth all over his face.

"EEEEW YUCK!! Luckily I got my mask on.."

"Well then, we must hurry!" Kisame stood immediately. Everyone nodded.

"YAY! Tobi will help too!"

"NO TOBI!! YOU STAY HERE!" the other except Deidara replied all at once.

"Eeeh? Why not? But Tobi is a good boy.. Oh, puhleeeease.. Senpai-tachi.." the boy pleading with a glassy eyes.

"Better NO than sorry later.." Kisame answered carelessly.

"...eh?"

_--_

"AAAAHH!!" Deidara hit his own hand with his hammer again, but harder this time because he was in a hurry.

"I told you to be more careful!" Sasori took the hammer from his partner, "Let me do it by myself.."

"Un? You can't danna, I'm fine!"

"No you don't, if you really want to help, you can go to Itachi and help him to rebuild the wall. It's a lot safer.."

"...okay, un." the blonde nodded, he turn on his heel and walked toward the Uchiha.

"Mmm.. Itachi-san, hope you don't mind if I help you, un.." Deidara asked hesitantly.

"...of course I don't mind, thank you Dei-san.." Itachi answered as he nervously forced a small smile toward the blonde.

He/'She' smiled sweetly in reply, making Itachi's heart skip a beat or two, _"Oh, thank you Kami-sama! I knew you always hear my wishes!"_ Inner Itachi shouted happily with tears of joy flowing from his glistened eyes like a waterfall.

_--_

"Oooh.. Tobi is sooo bored.." Tobi yawned while he sat on the previous tree branch. While Zetsu continued his photosynthesis process, look! a flower grew on his head!

Tobi stared blankly with a sleepy face, he's starting to doze off when suddenly he saw a shiny little thing lying on the grass. His eyes grew wide in excitement.

"SHINY!" he jumped down to the ground, stepping Zetsu's head this time.

"GAH!" **"YOU DO THIS ONCE AGAIN AND I'M GONNA CHEW YOUR FUCKING FOOT!!"** Zetsu's word gets ignored by the overexcited-mentally-retarded-Uchiha.

Tobi knelt down and took the piece of broken glass, which Tobi referred as 'shiny object'. But the glass accidentally hurt Tobi's thumb and make it bleed.

"Huwaaaa! Tobi's boo-boo is bleeding!" Tobi quickly threw the shiny object. The shiny object flew through the air, and somehow stabbed Itachi's forehead, blood dripping down his face. Deidara yelped.

"...Tobi"

"Yes, Itachi-senpai?"

"I'll.." Itachi said with a veeeery low voice, his body trembling a bit, "..KILL YOU RIGHT NOW!!" Itachi formed a hand seal, "KATON: GOUKAKYUU NO JUTSU!!" and then a huge ball of fire shoot toward the other Uchiha.

"GYAAAAAA!!" Tobi jumped up to the air with his ninja reflex, and he successfully avoid the burning inferno. Unfortunately, the fire hit our poor plant man and burns him with no mercy. Fortunately, he's still alive! With his whole body burned black.

"**T**O**BI**II**II**!!" both of Zetsu's side roared angrily.

"GYAAAA!! Gomennasai Zetsu-senpai! But Tobi was really scared!"

"**FUCK WITH THAT!! COME HERE SO I CAN EAT YOU!!" **Zetsu chased Tobi with a demon aura surrounding him.

Everyone sweat dropped...

Itachi smirked in satisfaction, "I-I-Itachi-san.. Yo-your forehead.. It's bleeding, un.." Deidara nervously pointed to the piece of glass that still on Itachi's forehead.

"Hm?"

**Rina's note: Okay.. thanks for reading! And just like usual.. R E V I E W !! Your nice reviews are gratefully accepted.. constructive critics are welcome.. and I fight flames with flames.. :D See you in the next chapter!**


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